One day Sis went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.
First, of course, she had to take an eye sight test.
The nice lady showed her a card with the letters. On the bottom row were these letters:
WALMARTSTORE
‘Can you read this?’ the nice Lady asked.
‘Read it?’ Sis replied — ‘I shop there daily.’
Grounds For Divorce
My friend, Sonny Mason told me one day that sometimes he wakes up grumpy; other times he just lets her sleep.
Laughter Is The Best Medicine
I have been taking physical therapy to help out with my back.
I could get enough exercise just pushing my luck but the physical therapist won’t let me get by with that. They keep pushing me harder and harder, I appreciate the hard work out and words of encouragement and the laughs we have when I get in the makeshift bed. Those with a sense of fun and who can laugh, especially at themselves, are generally happier. If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. I think it will be a while before I can even touch my knees, I will give up on my toes. I also found out that age is important only if you’re cheese or wine.
The Three Little Pigs
My friend, James C. Lancaster shared with me this story about the Pigs.
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy.
“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggy’s would like any dessert.
“I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.
“I want a cheesecake,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.
“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy, “But why have you only ordered beer all evening?”
The third piggy says, “Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!’”
Stand-Up And Be Counted
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they’re ugly, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re ugly, Little Davie?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
Stages Of Life
I heard this the other day: Kids have bad attitude, middle aged men have a crisis and old men have the grumps. Speaking of Mid-Life I was just wondering: have you seen Lynn Mitchell’s car, I just thought it would be RED. I have seen a few grumps as well.
At The Beach
Cooter Knox stopped by to see me yesterday, he told me they took Emma Hope to the beach for the New Year, she enjoyed the indoor water park but it was very windy on the beach. Some folks from Canada were playing in the ocean. You will find me under my blanket these days.
Local Prayer Concerns
Bruce Brasington, Leroy Belue, Angela Childers, Lena Scales, Connie Burgess, the family of Harold Dean Jett, the family of Mary Louise Pettit, the family of Michael “Woo” Adams, The family of Millie D. Epps and the family of my good friend I. G. Vanderford.
Wisdom
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.
— Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Thanks to those that have sent funny stories to my email. Keep em coming!
My email address is pearidgenews@yahoo.com. So, if you have some good news or a picture to share, just send it to me. I will try to apply it to my article. You can drop them in the mail as well. My address is Hoyt Haney, 1128 Jonesville- Lockhart Hwy., Union SC 29379. I’ll use them if I can!
Till Next Time
— Hoyt
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