If I Were The Devil

Paul Harvey first broadcast his “If I Were The Devil” in 1965. If you carefully read this, I believe you would agree with me that this is amazing.

“If I were the devil … if I were the Prince of Darkness, I’d want to engulf the whole world in darkness and I would have a third of its real estate and four-fifths of its population, but I wouldn’t be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree, thee. So I’d set about however necessary to take over the United States.

I’d subvert the churches first. I’d begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: ‘Do as you please.’

To the young I would whisper that the Bible is a myth. I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what is bad is good, and what is good is ‘square.’ And the old, I would teach to pray after me: ‘Our Father which art in Washington’

And then, I’d get organized. I’d educate authors how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting. I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies and visa versa. I’d peddle narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.

If I were the devil, I would soon have families at war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves until each in its turn was consumed. And with promises of higher ratings, I’d have mesmerizing media fanning the flames.

If I were the devil, I would encourage schools to refine young intellects, but neglect to discipline emotions — just let those run wild until before you knew it, you’d have to have drug-sniffing dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door. Within a decade, I’d have prisons overflowing.

I’d have judges promoting pornography.

Soon I could evict God from the courthouse, and then from the schoolhouse, and then from the houses of Congress. And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion and deify science. I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys and girls and church money.

If I were the devil I would make the symbol of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.

If I were the devil I would take from those who have and I would give to those who wanted, until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious. And what would you bet I couldn’t get whole states to promote gambling as the way to get rich. I would caution against extremes in hard work, in patriotism, in moral conduct. I would convince the young that marriage is old-fashioned, that swinging is more fun, and that what you see on TV is the way to be. And thus, I could undress you in public, and I could lure you into bed with diseases for which there is no cure.

In other words, if I were the devil, I’d keep right on doing what he is doing. Paul Harvey, good-day.”

Men Rules For 2013

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…REALLY.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Thank you, James, for getting me in trouble with every woman in Union County!

More Than Meets The Eye

A teenager living in India who has MS and is confined to her bed sent me the following article. I thought that she has great insight into how we should see others in 2013.

“Teen – I don’t think others see me the way u see me. And I know I don’t see them the way u do.

GOD – That’s true. U may only see them as dirty bums or annoying geeks, but those are just surface appearances. There is always something more going on underneath.

Teen – If I see what u see, will it make me sad?

GOD — It may. My heart breaks for people all the time. But there are also things about people that make me rejoice and sing.”

1 SAMUEL 16:7 — “Man looks at the outward appearance but the LORD looks at the heart”

College Thoughts

Two USC students were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

Two University of Georgia students were sitting on a bench talking, and one UGA student says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the moon?”

The other UGA student turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????”

A gorgeous young redhead from Clemson goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?”

“Well, no,” she said. “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”

Birthdays

Having Birthdays this week are Joyce Inabinet and Carolyn Brown on Thursday, Jan. 17; Freddie Foster (a dear friend) and Bruce Betenbaugh (my neighbor) on Friday, Jan. 18; Carol Kingsmore on Saturday, Jan. 19; Christina Chidada (a friend of mine who lives in Ghana) on Monday, Jan. 21; Paul Martin on Wednesday, Jan. 23.

I hope that our readers will wish these very special people a birthday greeting on their special day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Firehouse Training Session

At a training session in the fire station, the team was assembled around the kitchen table. The training officer was discussing the behavior of fire.

“You pull up to a house and notice puffs of smoke coming from the eaves, blackened out windows and little or no visible flame. What does this tell you?” he asked.

Expecting to hear that the house is in a possible back draft situation, a condition very dangerous to fire fighters, he instead heard from one quick wit, “You got the right place.”

Prayer Concerns

I do not know of many people who need our prayers this week. I do know that Connie Bugress, wife of Rev. Johnny Burgess, is battling cancer. FOLKS. THERE IS POWER IN PRAYER. Even medical doctors realize this to be the truth. So let’s join our hearts and minds in prayer for Connie.

My Thoughts

News wise, it is so quiet in Buffalo that I went to the graveyard on Riley Road to see if there was any paranormal news that I could share with my readers. It was almost as quiet as the citizenry of the Buffalo Community. Is anyone sick that we need to remember in prayer? Is there anyone celebrating a birthday or anniversary soon? Heard any good jokes lately?

Thought Of The Week

“Men say that women should come with instructions … What is the point of that? Have you ever seen a man actually read the instructions?”

If You Have Good News

Email me at cap9296@aol.com, call me at 864-424-9211, mail me at POB 128, Buffalo. Until next week, may God bless you richly. Until next week, may God bless you richly.