One day, I was sitting on the couch with Sis, I asked her ‘Why don’t you come sit close to me like you used to.’ So she did. After a moment I asked Sis, ‘Why don’t you put your arm around me like you used to.’

So Sis put her arm around me and held me tight. Then I asked her, ‘Why don’t you nibble on my ear like you used to. Sis got up and left the room.

‘Where are you going?’ I called out.

‘To get my teeth,’ Sis replied.

It was almost like old times.

Car Question

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road? I think I’ll ask Brad Horne.

Sleep Question

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. He sleeps at night.

Riddle

What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?

The answer can be found at the end of my article

Interesting Question

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room.

When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”

Wife’s Lament

I hear this often: Now that my husband has retired … I’d give anything if he’d find a job. Is Wal-Mart hiring any new greeters?

When Old Is Good

Sput Knox said he has three sizes of clothes in his closet …. two of which he hopes to never wear again, they are too big. I hear most women have three sizes of older clothes but they are usually too small. Old is good in some things: old songs old movies and the best of all OLD FRIENDS. Pick up the phone and give an old friend a call this week.

Intriguing Comment

My friend Robert Washington saw a beautiful lady walking by the other day, I heard him say to her that she looked like his second wife. She asked him how many times he had been married; his reply was only once.

To Protect And Serve

Jonesville Police Chief Jimmy Kimbrell drives up in his new Dodge Hemi patrol car to take a routine vandalism report at an elementary school; Chief Kimbrell was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.

Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked, “Are you a cop?”

“Yes,” he answered and continued writing the report.

“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”

“Yes, that’s right,” he told her.

“Well, then,” she said as she extended her foot toward Chief Kimbrell, “would you please tie my shoe?”

Funny Signs

In front of a junk yard building: DRIVE RECKLESS! IT HELPS BUSINESS!

Sign in front of a Beauty Shop: CUSTOMERS WANTED… NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY!

On a travel agency: PLEASE GO AWAY

On entering the Lion Country Safari in Florida, there is a sign: TRESPASSERS WILL BE EATEN!

On a plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

Pizza shop slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”

Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”

New Year’s

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. Old age is when you go to bed before dark and get up with the chickens. I think I MIGHT NOT see the Ball drop this year. My New Year’s resolution is: NOT to make one.

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. Happy New Year Folks!

Local Prayer Concerns

Lib Farr, Robert Washington, Sonny Crocker, Cindy Inman, Leroy Belue Carol Whitener, Bruce Brassington and Connie Burgess.

Happy Birthday

Birthday wishes to Shelia McCorkle on New Year’s Eve! Celebrate!

Thank You

Thanks to those that have sent funny stories to my email. Keep ‘em coming!

My email address is pearidgenews@yahoo.com. So, if you have some good news or a picture to share, just send it to me. I will try to apply it to my article. You can drop them in the mail as well. My address is Hoyt Haney, 1128 Jonesville-Lockhart Highway, Union S.C. 29379. I’ll use them if I can!

Wisdom

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.

— Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Riddle Answer

The temperature

Till Next Time

— Hoyt