It’s Vacation Time

Are you planning your vacation? I know that the crooks and thieves are planning on your vacation so that when you are away, they can “clean out” your house. To protect your home, I have a sure-fire, guaranteed security system that will keep all burglars away from your stuff. Just follow these simple instructions: How to Install a Home Security System That Really Works:

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba: Bertha, Duke, Slim & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.

Don’t mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.

I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ‘em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

“Cooter”

Ten Ways To Love

How many ways can we love a person? The Bible shows at least ten ways:

Listen without interrupting (Proverbs 18:13).

Speak without accusing (James 1:19).

Give without sparing (Proverbs 21:26).

Pray without ceasing (Colossians 1:9).

Answer without arguing (Proverbs 17:1).

Share without pretending (Ephesians 4:15).

Enjoy without complaint (Philippians 2:14).

Trust without wavering (1 Corinthians 13:7).

Forgive without punishing (Colossians 3:13).

And promise without forgetting (Proverbs 13:12).

A Lesson From The Butterfly

A man found the cocoon of a butterfly. One day, a small opening appeared in the cocoon; the man sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then, it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if the butterfly had gotten as far as it could, and it just couldn’t go any further.

Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings, and it was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste didn’t understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We wouldn’t be as strong as we could have been, and we would never fly.

Three Sisters

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.”

She starts up the stairs and pauses, “Was I going up the stairs or down?”

The 92-year-old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I’m sure glad I never get that forgetful, knock on wood…”

She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at…

Pool Rules

Many of us have a swimming pool in our yard. What a wonderful place to relax and have fun with the family. But there is always one problem that every pool owner must deal with.

The exasperated lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the community pool.

“Everyone knows,” the mother lectured him, “that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool.”

“Oh really?” said the lifeguard, “from the diving board?”

Speaking About Pool Rules

I have a friend who has a swimming pool in his yard. When I was visiting one day I noticed a sign hanging beside the gate to the pool. It read “A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z.”

I read the sign carefully and noticed that something was wrong with the sign. I told my friend that when he made the sign, he left the “P” out. He said, “That is right.” “I left the “P” out of the sign and I want you to leave the “PEE” out of the pool.”

Birthdays

Having birthdays this week are: Juanita McCullough on Friday, July 6; Amy Petty on Saturday, July 7; Kenny Puckett and Boot McMillan on Monday, July 9; Anita Ward on Wednesday, July 11.

Why Do Men Wear Earrings???

I have often wondered about men wearing earrings. Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men? Well, I just found out the other day when I was doing some work with other men.

I was doing some work one day when I noticed that my co-worker was wearing an earring.

I knew my co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and was curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”

I walked up to my friend and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

I fell silent for a few minutes, but then my curiosity prodded me to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

He replied, “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

You know, I always wondered how this trend got started.

Prayer Concerns

I ask that we all join together to pray for Mr. Makline Marak, who is having a tough medical situation and really needs our prayers. He lives in India, but as Christians we are still one family. Ronnie Fisher also needs our prayers as do many, many people in our neighborhood. Let’s take a minute and hold them up to God.

A Special Happy Anniversary

goes to our anniversary couple of the week, Richie and Carolyn Brown, celebrating their anniversary on Tuesday, July 10. May this be the best anniversary that you have ever had. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Our Sympathies

and prayers go out to the family of Mr. Terry Mark Lawson, 48, husband of Pam Simmons Lawson, 2320 Mt. Lebanon Road in Buffalo, who passed away on Monday, June 25. Death is always a difficult time of adjustment. Let’s all reach out and support Mrs. Lawson and the family.

Thought of the Week

“Anger is a feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.”

If You Have Good News

When you see, hear, or make news, hear good, funny, and clean jokes, please email your news and jokes to me at cap9296@aol.com, call me at 864-441-2371, mail your news to me at POB 128, Buffalo, or stop me on the street. When you celebrate good things in your life, I would like to share that with the good people of Buffalo. You want to laugh. I want to laugh. So please make me laugh.

Until next week, may God bless you richly.