vs. wants

I received an invitation in Tuesday's mail from the Workforce Investment Board to their Employer Appreciation Luncheon on Sept. 25 in Spartanburg.

There is no charge for the meal but I am tempted to decline, simply because the invitation reads “The Upstate Workforce Investment Board requests your presence at our First Annual...”

Aaargh!

Family members and co-workers know how much I despise the phrase “first annual” because it is so wrong - an event doesn't become annual until it's taken place more than once.

It can be the “first” Employer Appreciation Luncheon or the “inaugural” Employer Appreciation Luncheon but it can't be annual until next year - if another one takes place.

Which brings us to another pet peeve of mine ...

As I sit at my desk, working on the day's paper, I hear the chatter from 911 dispatchers, public safety officers and the sheriff's office on my scanner. Most of the time it's just background noise, unless there's a wreck or a fire and emergency workers are dispatched. Sometimes I'll hear a deputy being paged by one of the women who works in the sheriff's office, followed by the familiar phrase “someone in the office needs to speak to an officer.”

Those words grate on my nerves like someone raking their fingernails across a blackboard.

When I look up the word “needs” on my computer it means “craves, aches, covets, desires, hankers, hungers, itches, longs, lusts, pines, thirsts, yearns.”

I doubt if any of those words apply to the person sitting in the hallway outside of the sheriff's office. But then again, I don't know their state of mind.

A better word in this case might be “wants” as in “someone in the office wants to speak to an officer.”

As one of my co-workers quipped when I told them about this, “The only thing a person needs to do is go to the bathroom.”

While we're on the subject of “wants,” let's turn our attention to the word “wishes” as in “if anyone wishes to attend ...” or “if someone wishes to go ...” both of which have popped up in the columns of this newspaper (blame the editor).

When I read the word “wishes” I think of someone standing still, feet together, eyes squeezed shut and fists clenched, chanting “I wish, I wish, I wish ...”

Once again, the word “wants” would be a better choice, such as, “if anyone wants to attend.”