One busy weekend there was a bit of confusion at Ace Hardware. It all started when Sis got her first credit card. When she was ready to pay for her purchase of gun powder and bullets the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”

Making a mental note about the new talk on gun control and bullets and such, she did just as the sales clerk instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and shock finally subsided, Sis found out that she was referring to her credit card. Sis was asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to seniors a bit clearer!

A Thoughtful Valentine’s Day Gift

I asked my friend, Tony Farr, whether he had bought his wife, Gloria, anything for Valentine’s Day yet.

“Yes,” came the answer from Tony who is a bit practical, “I’ve bought her a belt and a bag.”

“That was very kind of you,” I said to Tony, “I hope she will appreciate the thought.”

Tony smiled as he replied, “so do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now, that belt has a burnt smell.”

Caught Speeding

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snap open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying jerk told you I was speeding too.

Welcome to the world

Welcome little Jase Gallman, weighing in at 6 pounds and 4 ounces. He was born January 18, 2013. He has 2 siblings, Rachel and Jeb. The proud parents are James Keith and DeCole Petty. Congratulations my friends.

I just heard that Mike and Susan Scales and Lynn and April Ford are grandparents, congratulations to you all as well. Wylie Matthew Scales was born January 21, 2013.

Pulpit exchange was this past Sunday at the Methodist churches in Union County. Foster’s Chapel and Bethlehem welcomed and enjoyed Rev. Merritt (Tuie) Wentz. He is the Pastor at the Union Charge (Bethel and Duncan Acres UM Churches). I hope to find that Bethel and Duncan Acres enjoyed Pastor Glenn Ribelin as much as we do.

Mark your calendars: Bethlehem UMC, 1622 Kelly Road, will be serving Sunday Dinner February 10. Come out for good food and fellowship.

Local Prayer Concerns: William Scales, Lena Scales, Wayne Eaves, Richard Lewis, Betty Blackwood, Jane Adkins, Becky Moss, Barbara Gregory, Sandra Johnson, Bud Sanders, Lib Farr Family, James Vaughn, Becky Cobb, Sheri Ponder, Jim Heatherly, Boone Morris ,Randall Wright and the family of Clark Perrin.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~ Mark Twain

Till Next Time

Hoyt