Twelve Things I Learned From Noah’s Ark

It is amazing what a person can learn by carefully reading something. I do not know about you, but I am not afraid of tomorrow because I have seen yesterday and I love today. Everything that we need to know, we can learn from Noah’s Ark.

ONE: Do not miss the boat.

TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat!

THREE: Plan ahead. It was not raining when Noah built the Ark.

FOUR: Stay fit. When you are 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

FIVE: Do not listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

SIX: Build your future on high ground.

SEVEN: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.

EIGHT: Speed is not always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

NINE: When you are stressed, float awhile.

TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there is always a rainbow at the end of the storm!

TWELVE: Most people walk in and out of your life, but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.

Children’s Prayers

I just read some of the sweetest prayers that were spoken by children. A child knows how to say what he/she wants to say with truth and courage. Here are two such prayers: “Lord, I know you said you’d never give me more than I can handle … but sometimes I wish you did not have so much confidence in me.” “Lord, I cannot say it with words … Can you please just listen through my heart?”

The Right Words!

At a wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. The bride’s grandparents took the honors.

The DJ asked them, “What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?”

The grandma said, “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.’”

Everyone then looked at the grandpa for his answer. He, wisely, answered, “She’s probably right.”

Every Woman’s Favorite Joke

I believe that I have found every woman’s favorite joke. Do you think so? It goes like this:

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed “Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.”

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school,came home and picked up the dry cleaning,took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 p.m.. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! oh! please, let us trade back.”

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.”

Ever Wonder?

There are many things in our world that makes us wonder. Have you ever wondered …

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Hm-m-m-m-m, interesting, isn’t it?

Don’t Ignore The Kids

There was a young boy who went into one of our local stores in Union. The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers first. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car.

“What took you so long, son?” he asked.

“The man waited on everybody in the store before me,” the boy replied. “But I got even.”

“How?”

“I wound and set all the alarm clocks while I was waiting,” the youngster explained happily. “It’s going to be fun at eight o’clock.”

Birthdays

Wednesday, Aug. 1, began with the birthdays of Kent Orr, Lula Rena Elliott, Patsy Philips, and Rhonda Hollingsworth. Today, Thursday, Aug. 2, J.R. Putnam celebrates his birthday. Other birthdays this week are Bob Hyatt on Friday, Aug. 3; London Ann Ketterman, John Taylor, and Jacob Taylor on Saturday, Aug. 4; Pam Ray, Shawn Murphy, and Randi LaPierre on Monday, Aug. 6; Edith Crisp on Tuesday, Aug. 7; Scott Kendrick, Jewel Wilson, Chasity S. Ferrell, and Tonya Proctor on Wednesday, Aug. 8.

To each of these wonderful people, I ask God to bless you in a very special way. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy Anniversary

goes to Chad and Amber Ferrell, celebrating their wedding anniversary on Monday, Aug. 6; and Dee and Beth Anthony, celebrating their wedding anniversary on Wednesday, Aug. 8.

These were weddings made in heaven and may God bless them richly for their love for each other. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Our Condolences

Mrs. Mollie Wiggins Puckett, 67, 10 Flat Drive, Buffalo, widow of Oliver Luther Puckett, Jr., passed away Friday, July 27, 2012 after a long illness. Surviving are two daughters, Donna Harrison and husband Doug, and Deannah Beahrs and husband David, all of Buffalo; three sons, Darrell “Buddy” Puckett and wife Lucy of Aiken, Dean Puckett and Dale Puckett both of Buffalo; a brother, Ronald Wiggins and wife Tina of Union; and nine grandchildren.

Prayer Concerns

I have a praise report. My friend, Jim Pittman, underwent some medical tests this week with the doctor thinking that there were “spots” on his liver. But the medical tests gave him a wonderful report of a clean and “spotless” liver. You see, our Father God does answer prayer.

You Get It?

In a neighboring town, the small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching the largest fish.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the doctor used his fishing scales.

The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz.

YOU GET IT???

Thought of the Week

“Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine”

If You Have Good News

When you see, hear, or make news, hear good, funny, and clean jokes, please email your news and jokes to me at cap9296@aol.com, call me at 864-441-2371, mail your news to me at POB 128, Buffalo, or stop me on the street. When you celebrate good things in your life, I would like to share that with the good people of Buffalo. You want to laugh. I want to laugh. So please make me laugh.

Until next week, may God bless you richly.