Final Plans Arranged!

I have a friend who loves to play golf. He even plays it at night in his dreams. His wife, both dear friends of mine, feels the same way about shopping at Good Will stores.

The other day we were playing golf and the topic of final arrangements came up. I said that once I am in the grave, probably I will get a visit only a few times a year, usually on holidays. When I asked him if he had made his final final arrangements, he said “certainly.” My friend said that his plans are set so that he will visit his wife many times a week and she will visit him many times a week.

So I asked him how he came up with this ingenious plan. He said that when he dies, he is going to be buried in front of the Good Will store. And when his wife dies, she is going to be buried in the front yard of the River Chase Golf course. I asked him why these arrangements. He said that being buried in front of the Good Will store will guarantee that his wife will see him every time she goes shopping. And that burying his wife at the golf course, it is guaranteed that he will visit her several times a week.

Now, that’s American ingenuity!

Food For Your Mind

According to U.S. laws, a beer commercial can never show a person actually drinking beer.

The energy of a discharge of an electric eel could start 50 cars.

Perspiration is odorless; it is the bacteria on the skin that creates an odor.

The little bags of netting for gas lanterns (called ‘mantles’) are radioactive … so much so that they will set of an alarm at a nuclear reactor.

If a surgeon in Ancient Egypt lost a patient while performing an operation, his hands were cut off.

Clocks made before 1660 had only one hand — an hour hand.

A chameleon’s tongue is twice the length of its body.

Extremely high pressured water can easily cut through a steel beam.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

Now, was that “finger licking good food for your mind?”

My Thoughts

Growing up without a cell phone. If you are 40, or older like me, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tiresome tales about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking 25 miles to school every morning … Uphill …. Barefoot … BOTH ways … yadda, yadda, yadda.

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to tell my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that I’m over the ripe old age of 64, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live on easy street! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

1) If I wanted to go somewhere, I had better have two good tires on my bicycle.

2) The big thing for us on Saturday was to bicycle our way downtown and meet at the movie house for a couple of funny cartoons and a western.

3) Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to whip me good! Nowhere was safe! And when we got caught doing something wrong, our parents made us go outside and get a switch for Daddy and you know what he did with that switch!

4) There were no MP3s or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that’s how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

6) We didn’t have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it!

7) There weren’t any cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn’t make a cotton-picking call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your “friends.” OH MY GOSH !!! Think of the horror … not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there’s TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you sometimes can be.

8) And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent … you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, Tonto!

9) We didn’t have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’ … Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen. Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! There was no thing called channel surfing! You had to get off your assurance and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what’s the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons!

12) And we didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play … all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside … you were doing chores!

14) I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

15) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter — with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

And car seats — oh, please! Momma threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the “safety arm” across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling “shot gun” in the first place!

See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You teenagers today have got it too easy. You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1960 or any time before! Well, those are my thoughts. Like Archie Bunker used to say, “Those were the days.”

Birthdays

Having birthdays this week are Ruby Ford and David Sullivan on Thursday, June 7; Noah Ketterman and Hazel Nance on Friday, June 8; Libby Davis and Bobbie Ruth Snyder on Saturday, June 9; Brooke Lee and Gary Pegram on Sunday, June 10; Kathleen LaPierre and Thomas Boulware on Tuesday, June 12; and Betty Young on Wednesday, June 13. This is your special day … so really enjoy it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Our Condolences

go to Rev. Michael L. Hill, 52, husband of Sharon Patterson Hill, 1240 Mt. Lebanon Rd., Buffalo, went home to be with his Lord, Friday June 1, 2012, after a sudden illness. Rev. Hill was currently serving as Music Director at Trinity Baptist Church where he and his wife were members.

Anniversaries This Week

Before I announce the wedding anniversaries for this week, I want to make a correction to my journal last week. Last week I announced the wedding anniversary for Bruce and “Judy” Prince. Actually, it should have been Bruce and “Brenda” Prince. It was my mistake and my “quick typing fingers” and I hope that you will forgive me for this.

Now, celebrating their wedding anniversaries this week are Paul and Cindy Philips on Sunday, June 10; Doug and Gail Johnson on Monday, June 11; Maxie and Carolyn Lawson on Wednesday, June 13. God brought these couples together so these special days are days of rejoicing and celebration. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, ALL!

Prayer Concerns

We have so many people that need our serious prayers that I am posting the same list from next week. I am asking that whether we know the following people or not, that we will hold them up to God in prayer this week.

Thomas Boulware had surgery for a crushed ankle and he is doing good; Peggy Goins, Eddie Howell, Janice Babb, Don Moore, Lorraine Vinson, “Babe” Scott, Johnny Sinclair, Irene Abrams, Lee Sanders; Nellie Lawson is home from the hospital but is still in serious condition; Pete Brock, Mickey Gowan. Henry Richardson had eye surgery on May 29. Ricky Boulware is in need of our prayers. Ms. Anna Brown’s sister, Clotee, is in the hospital in Atlanta in very serious condition. My friend, Bayly Ebner, is in serious condition in Hollywood, S.C. near Charleston.

Please take a few minutes and talk to God about these loved persons who need our help.

You ARE Important

Never let the enemy tell you that you are worthless or insignificant. You have value in the eyes of God so great that it was worth dying for. You are a blessing to the world. You are so precious to God that heaven will not be complete without you. If you were to win the original painting of the Mona Lisa, would you think that it is worth something? Did you know that the value of the painting, Mona Lisa, has been given the unique title of being beyond price. And if you had the ONLY ONE in the world, that would make you a wealthy person beyond belief.

Did you know that each member of your family has been given the unique title of being beyond price. Actually, the price of your husband, your wife, your children are so valuable to God and to each other that they are BEYOND WORTH. Well, my question is, “Being so valuable, how do we treat our loved ones?” After all, they are irreplaceable. And being that valuable, how many times a day do we tell them that we love them? H-m-m-m-m-m, something to think about.

If You Have Good News

When you see, hear, or make news, hear good, funny, and clean jokes, please email your news and jokes to me at cap9296@aol.com, call me at 864-441-2371, mail your news to me at POB 128, Buffalo, or stop me on the street. When you celebrate good things in your life, I would like to share that with the good people of Buffalo. You want to laugh. I want to laugh. So please make me laugh.

Until next week, may God bless you richly.