When All Else Fails

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner. Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. “Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.”

Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol’s mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.

Carol’s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.

LETTER 1: Dear God: I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Carol

Carol knew this wasn’t true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2: Dear God: This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you, Carol

Carol knew this wasn’t true either. She tore up the letter and started again.

LETTER 3: Dear God: I know I haven’t been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday. Thank you, Carol

Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol’s mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad. “Just be home in time for dinner,” her mother said.

Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.

LETTER 4: I GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE. Signed, YOU KNOW WHO.

Football

Recently, my cousin in Buffalo took his new girlfriend to her first Carolina football game. They had great seats right behind the Carolina team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, David asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was… ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ she said, “I’m like … Hellooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!!!”

Mark Da Spot!

Two college buddies from Buffalo were fishing on a river. The one from Clemson catches the biggest catfish either one had ever seen. He says to his buddy from Carolina, “We need to remember this spot so we can come back here again.”

So his buddy from Carolina pulls a pen out of his pocket and makes a big ‘X’ on the bottom of his boat.

The Clemson guy looks at his buddy, shaking his head in disgust. “You idiot! What if we bring another boat next time?”

Sportsmanship

During a little league baseball game, the coach asked one of his young players, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“Do you understand that what matters is winning together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?”

Again, the boy nodded yes.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain it to your mother.”

Birthdays

Chris Fleming celebrated his birthday just yesterday on Wednesday, Oct. 3.

Our very special and honored readers this week who are having birthdays are Haley Hill, Bill Robinson, and Sheila M. Lawson on Thursday, Oct. 4; Ruby Johnson on Friday, Oct. 5; Rhonda Sanders on Sunday, Oct. 7; Tyler Lancaster, Neil Hogan, Hannah Morris, and Jett Henderson on Wednesday, Oct. 10.

God created a “Masterpiece” when He created these people because there is absolutely no one like them in the world today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

Wisdom Found In Bars

I do not frequent bars unless I am there on God’s business. Yet, I have found much wisdom written on tables, the bar itself, and on the restroom walls. Here is just a sampling of what I have found and what was shared with me:

ABOUT VOTING: If voting could really change things, it would be illegal (Revolution Books, New York, New York).

ABOUT CONGRESS: If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! (Men’s restroom House of Representatives, Washington , DC).

ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS: You’re too good for him.. (Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills , CA).

ABOUT LONELINESS: No wonder you always go home alone. (Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA).

ABOUT MEN: A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires, You’re going to have trouble with it. (Women’s restroom, Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, TX).

Prayer Concerns

There are many, many people in Union County suffering in one way or another.

The ones that I know of that we should keep in our prayers are Jett Henderson, husband of Brenda Henderson and a dear friend of mine, and Heather Fleming, wife of Chris Fleming and a couple that I had the honor of performing the marriage ceremony. Heather probably will have her baby during this week.

Let’s all join together in prayer that it will be a safe and successful delivery.

Happy Anniversary

Celebrating their wedding anniversary this week are Steve and Janice Maness on Friday, Oct. 5; Johnny and Kathy Jones on Saturday, Oct. 6.

These are marriages made in heaven and blessed by God. Let’s all congratulate them this week.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

Four Eyes!

Waiting to have a physical at the base hospital in Cherry Point, N.C., a friend of mine overheard a Marine Corps warrant officer try unsuccessfully to get the medical personnel to issue him new eyeglasses without an appointment.

Just then, a two-star general came into the room, and the warrant officer snapped sharply to attention, greeting him, “Good morning, Colonel.”

“Mister,” the general replied, “If you can’t tell a two-star general from a colonel, you better get some glasses.”

The warrant officer didn’t have to wait for an appointment.

My Thoughts: The Blame Game

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him/her, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him/her, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”

Video Clip of the Week: Pig Saves Baby Goat

If you have a computer and access to the internet, I think you would really enjoy and appreciate this week’s video. Just type into the browser of your computer http://1funny.com/pig-rescues-baby-goat/ Who says animals are not smart???

Thought of the Week

“I always know God won’t give me more than I can handle but there are times I wish He didn’t trust me quite so much.”

If You Have Good News

Everything is so crazy in this world today that we all need a good laugh to get through it. When you see, hear, or make news, hear good, funny, and clean jokes, please email your news and jokes to me at cap9296@aol.com, call me at 864-441-2371, mail your news to me at POB 128, Buffalo, or stop me on the street. When you celebrate good things in your life, I would like to share that with the good people of Buffalo. You want to laugh. I want to laugh. So please make me laugh.

Until next week, may God bless you richly.