Shooting Ducks Buffalo Style

A city slicker from Charlotte went duck hunting down south on a friend’s property, but the first duck he shot fell across the fence line onto the neighbor’s property. Looking around, he saw no one else near so he hopped the fence to retrieve the duck. As he headed back for the fence, my very old neighbor, Bubba Jim, races up in an old pickup truck and asked him what he was doing with “his” duck.

The city guy says, “I shot him but he fell over here on your property, so I was just retrieving it.”

“Well that makes it my duck,” Bubba Jim says. “But since you insist on that being yours, we’ll just settle this the old country way — we’ll fight for it.”

The younger, stronger, and bigger city fella figures he can easily take the frail older man, so he agrees. “But we gotta fight by country rules,” the old man says. “I get the first three hits,” he says, “and the first one to quit loses the duck. Ok?”

The younger man figures he can absorb three hits from the old guy first, so he agrees.

Before the city slicker can even set the duck or his shotgun down, Bubba Jim runs up and kicks the younger man in the groin with his heavy work boots. As he doubles over in excruciating pain, the old man kicks the guy in the side of the head, knocking out two teeth. Once the younger man falls to the ground, the old man kicks him in the ribs and the young man spits out blood and winces as he tried to breathe in.

Staggering to his feet, bloodied, breathless, and missing two teeth, the younger man smiles slowly as he plans his first hit on the old guy. “You’re in for it now, old man,” he rasps over the gaps in his teeth.

The old man slowly backs away and smiles as he says, “Nope, I quit — you can have the duck.”

Now, that’s hunting Buffalo style!

Old Barns, Old People & Old Friends

A stranger came by the other day with an offer that set me to thinking. He wanted to buy the old barn that sits out by the highway. I told him right off he was crazy. He was a city type, you could tell by his clothes, his car, his hands, and the way he talked. He said he was driving by and saw that beautiful barn sitting out in the tall grass and wanted to know if it was for sale.

I told him he had a funny idea of beauty. Sure, it was a handsome building in its day. But then, there’s been a lot of winters pass with their snow and ice and howling wind. The summer sun’s beat down on that old barn till all the paint’s gone, and the wood has turned silver gray. Now the old building leans a good deal, looking kind of tired. Yet, that fellow called it beautiful.

That set me to thinking. I walked out to the field and just stood there, gazing at that old barn. The stranger said he planned to use the lumber to line the walls of his den in a new country home he’s building down the road. He said you couldn’t get paint that beautiful. Only years of standing in the weather, bearing the storms and scorching sun, only that can produce beautiful barn wood. It came to me then.

We’re a lot like that, you and I. Only it’s on the inside that the beauty grows with us. Sure we turn silver gray too… and lean a bit more than we did when we were young and full of sap. But the Good Lord knows what He’s doing. And as the years pass He’s busy using the hard weather of our lives, the dry spells and the stormy seasons to do a job of beautifying our souls that nothing else can produce.

They took the old barn down today and hauled it away to beautify a rich man’s house. And I reckon someday you and I’ll be hauled off to Heaven to take on whatever chores the Good Lord has for us on the Great Sky Ranch. And I suspect we’ll be more beautiful then for the seasons we’ve been through here… and just maybe even add a bit of beauty to our Father’s house.

May there be peace within you today. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. And I do sincerely Thank God for my wonderful friends.

7,100,601,544

Do you believe that the world is getting smaller by the day? Actually, the space for each person on this planet is growing smaller each day. I just read a very alarming and interesting report. I want to share it with my readers:

“During the 20th century alone, the world population has grown from 1.65 billion to 6 billion. To put that into perspective, it had taken all of human history up to the year 1800 for the world population to reach 1 billion. The second billion was achieved in only 130 years (1930). The third billion took less than 30 years (1959). The fourth billion in 15 years (1974). The fifth billion in 13 years (1987). The sixth billion in 12 years (1999). And the seventh billion in only 12 years (2011). With each leap in our population growth, our resources are being depleted at an alarming rate. One resource in particular is dangerously close to a tipping point… and it’s not oil. You might not know this, but less than one percent of the water in the world is drinkable. And most of that is in a deep lake in Siberia. That means the rest of the world is left to fight over scraps. Until the last few decades one percent of water was more than enough for the entire world. But with the explosion in both population and also pollution from global industrialization, we are now facing a critical water shortage.” And here is another surprise: The population of China is 1.3 billion people, which is 20 percent of the world’s population. And China has only seven percent of the world’s water. Did you know that the average Chinese uses only 22 gallons of water each day while the average American uses 150 gallons of water each day?

Birthdays

This week’s HAPPY BIRTHDAY wishes go to Joe Hamrick, Kate Roberts, and Wilton McGowan on Thursday, March 7; Jordan Morris and Scotty Justice on Friday, March 8; Bethany Henderson and Subhash Luthra on Sunday, March 10; Nancy Long on Monday, March 11; Mary Erwin and John Wayne Brandon on Tuesday, March 12; Priscilla Martin and Lily Kearse on Wednesday, March 13.

OWLS (Older Wiser Laughing Souls)

Wisdom from Grandpa…

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin’ his salt he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.

When a man marries a woman, they become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she’ll never turn into an old nag.

On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past — but never the present.

A foolish husband says to his wife, “Honey, you stick to the washin,’ ironin,’ cookin’ and scrubbin.’ No wife of mine’s gonna ‘work.’”

Many girls like to marry a military man — he can cook, sew, and make beds, is in good health, and already used to taking orders.

Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.

Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don’t recognize you.

Have a GREAT day and keep laughing! It’s good for the soul. And remember my motto: pay the undertaker with a bad check.

Prayer Concerns

Let’s pray for Lee and Lois Sanders who is recuperating from the flu and she is recuperating from bronchitis; Heather Fleming as she undergoes testing; Eddie Goins as he recuperates from an illness.

I am sure that there are others whom I do not know. So let’s pray that the season for the flu and virus will soon pass.

Be Strong Be Confident!

“If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life; and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye and say, ‘I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.’” — Ann Landers

Always expect the best — but be prepared for the worst. It’s not the circumstances in life that are important, it’s how you respond to them — it’s your choices that count. Regardless of what other people, regardless of what they say about you, regardless of the troubles and difficulties which may come your way, it’s your attitude and your response that will make the difference in how you handle each situation. And as long as you have a choice, you can be bold and confident — you can make it work for you. You can win! Press on!

Thought Of The Week

“Gun control is not about controlling guns. Gun Control is about People Control.”

— Anonymous

If You Have Good News

When you see, hear, or make news, hear good, funny, and clean jokes, please email your news and jokes to me at cap9296@aol.com, call me at 864-441-2371, mail your news to me at POB 128, Buffalo, or stop me on the street. When you celebrate good things in your life, I would like to share that with the good people of Buffalo.

Until next week, may God bless you richly.