Buffalo News For You: A needed stoplight and how to sell bibles

August 8, 2013

I Think That The Time Is Right

for Buffalo to get its very own stoplight. Last Friday, I came up on a wreck at the corner of S.C. 215 and Duncan Avenue. This intersection is in front of The Cricket Store on the east side of Buffalo. The whole road was blocked by the torn-up cars. I am not sure, but I think that there were injuries in this accident because several EMS vehicles were there. Sooner or later, someone is going to lose his/her life at this intersection.

This is a scary intersection because it is on top of a hill on Highway 215. Sitting on Duncan Avenue at the intersection, the driver cannot see what is coming west on S.C. 215 from Union. Several times when I thought the road was clear for me to turn west on 215, all of a sudden, a “Dale Earnhardt” type of driver would come flying up the hill ready to eat my bumper.

We need a stoplight that would be steady “green” on 215, but would turn “red” when a car on Duncan Avenue trips the switch. I hope that the citizens of Buffalo will see the need for this “improvement” and call the Department of Transportation about getting our first stoplight. Whatcha think, readers?

Selling Bibles

Thanks again to my friend, Bill Hitchcock, for this “clean” joke. If this doesn’t make you laugh, just go ahead and close your casket!

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church. Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But not wanting to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, “Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?”

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, “Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here’s the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.”

“Fine job, Jack!” The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand…”You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you.”

Turning to Paul, “And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?”

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, ‘I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here’s $280 I collected.”

The minister responded, “That’s absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you.”

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, “And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?”

Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. “What is this?” the minister exclaimed. “Louie, there’s $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?”

Louie just nodded. “That’s impossible!” both Jack and Paul said in unison. “We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could.”

“Yes, this does seem unlikely,” the minister agreed. “I think you’d better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie.”

Louie shrugged.. “I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don’t kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,” he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. “For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!”

“A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,” Louis replied, “W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks — o-o-o-or — wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?”

Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!

Three Special Couples

are celebrating their wedding anniversary this week. Dee and Beth Anthony are celebrating their wedding anniversary on Thursday, Aug. 8; while Holmes and Helen Bishop and Danny and Tiffany Lovane are celebrating their wedding anniversaries on Sunday, Aug. 11. May this upcoming marriage year bring untold blessings your way.


Celebrating birthdays this week are: Scott Kendrick, Jewel Wilson, Chastity S. Ferrell, and Tonya Proctor on Thursday, Aug. 8; Jean Dent and Kenneth Howell on Sunday, Aug. 11; Janice Babb and Nick Davis on Monday, Aug. 12; Len Caldwell and Travis Smith on Tuesday, Aug. 13; Kevin Farmer on Wednesday, Aug. 14. Birthdays are special days and these wonderful people are special people. May God bless them richly with blessings and love on their special day.

Our Condolences

go to the family of Mr. James C. Howell, 74, husband of Joan Copeland Howell, 3061 Buffalo-West Springs Highway, Buffalo, went home to be with the Lord, Wednesday, July 31, 2013. Surviving in addition to his wife of 53 years are two sons, Terry Howell and Eddie Howell and wife Sherry, all of Buffalo; two grandchildren, Cole Howell of Buffalo and Melissa Becker and husband Mike of Hartsville, TN; two step-grandchildren, Trey Clark and Nate Clark; three great-grandchildren, Brice Holden, Reina Becker, Anna Becker; and one sister, Willie Howell Kirby. Let’s keep this wonderful family in our prayers that God will pour His Grace upon them during this time.

Well, That’s The News This Week

Email me at cap9296@aol.com, call me at 864-424-9211, mail me at POB 128, Buffalo. Until next week, may God bless you richly.